Giving yourself grace and other thoughts for the neurodiverse

We live in a culture that was created by and for neurotypical people. For those of us who are neurodivergent, it’s all too easy to be overly critical of ourselves when we aren’t meeting the ideals that are defined for us. We end up in shame spirals which can lead to depression, feeling overwhelmed, and mentally checking out.

One thing that I’ve seen when coaching others is if you are starting from a place of self-blame and misery, shaming yourself into productivity simply isn’t going to work. If we keep our proverbial cups empty by denying ourselves from doing things that we love and practicing self-care, we end up spiraling down until we feel there is no way to crawl out.

We must find ways to spiral up instead.

Even though there are some days when we feel like it, we are not actually superhuman. Our highs consistently lead to lows. From a personal point of view, my superhuman days feel like I’m living an Instagram-ready life: plenty of exercise, veggie-forward home-cooked meals, a clean house ready for unexpected guests, the family paid attention to, the dog walked, and my many hobbies indulged in. But as much as I want to, it is impossible for me to keep up with this, and it invariably results in a period of burnout where nothing gets done.

Recently, I’ve been investing more time and effort into taking care of my well-being, which has become an increasingly important priority for me. It’s extremely easy for me to fall into the grip of toxic productivity. I think it comes with the territory; ADHD often results in a constant need for stimulation and frenetic activity (until we crash, right?). But I find that I can temper such extreme highs and crashes if I take care of my needs along the way.

Self-care can be as simple as permitting yourself to…

• Make mistakes.

• Do less.

• Take your time.

• Achieve less.

• Detach from the hustle.

• Have fun.

• Take lots of breaks to avoid The Overwhelm.

And the counter-intuitive outcome is that you might find yourself being more productive in the long run.